Creating Events Filled with Love Since 2001
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Creating Events Filled with Love Since 2001 |
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Lansing State Journal Published March 2, 2005
Date-seeking dads? It's a little too creepy for me This is the story of a pop trying to pimp out his daughter. It was a few weeks after I had gone on a date with Blaire Allison, a 27-year-old who started a Web site (www.marryblaire.com) last year to find a fiance by New Year's Eve. Blaire didn't pick me as her husband - my soul wasn't heavy enough, she said - but she did advertise my availability on the "Not My Husband" page of her site. This prompted e-mails from women wondering if, maybe, I could be their husband, instead. Carolyn sent me an e-mail with her stats and nothing else (age 20, blond hair, blue eyes, 140 pounds, 5-feet-4). Molly said she was a 20-year-old nursing student waiting for marriage before sex (yes, I did write her back). Jenna, a blogger from Chicago, drew a parallel to Blaire's scheme by setting up an online account for "all prospective sugardaddies." Still, the best e-mail I got was from the pimpin' pop. "While I am not looking for a husband," Alan wrote, "I am the father of a single 25-year-old woman who is looking for a husband, and I am looking for a son-in-law." Not that being a son-in-law doesn't sound awesome, but I was slightly skeptical. I peppered Alan with questions. He gave me Marcy's academic and vocational history. A few days later, he sent me an envelope with a color photo of Marcy, her contact information and a completely unrelated memo from his office about the inappropriate use of the Internet. It gets better. The envelope contained fliers advertising singles events and a photocopy of a $10 check Alan wrote to pay for Marcy's attendance at one of the events. (A $10 check made out to "Matt Katz" would have been more convincing, but I read Alan's note anyway.) At these singles events, Alan wrote, I could meet his daughter. "In this play of Matthew and Marcy, an early scene is of Alan finding Matthew Katz, soon followed by Matthew Katz finding Marcy," he wrote. "I do not know what happens next in this play, but I am hopeful of a happy ending." Alan was wooing me! He was the most romantic person I had ever met. Too bad he was married and waaaay too old for me. It became clear what had to happen. It was time to dump a dad - something I had never done before. So I concocted a strategy: Begin slowly: "I should caution you," I wrote. Compliment him: "What you are trying to do for your daughter is very sweet." Make an excuse: "(My column) precludes me, in some respects, from getting involved with someone seriously." Qualify that last statement because it isn't really true: "Not that I am against it necessarily." Make a vague reference to being psychologically unstable: "It's just not where my mind is right now." Alan, the persistent pop pimp that he is, wrote back. "Everything that lives has certain life functions, such as eating, sleeping, growth, reaction to the environment, etc. and reproduction," he wrote. Huh? "Whenever you decide to embark on that last life function, please feel free to contact me." I don't really think I will contact Alan when I'm ready to have babies. But once my baby girl is 25, I will definitely ask him for advice on how to pimp her out.
Matt Katz writes about dating in the 21st century for the (Cherry Hill, N.J.) Courier Post. To read Matt Katz' first article about me/marryblaire.com, Click here |
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