Why is it so hard to meet men and have a serious relationship?

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Why is it so hard to meet men and have a serious relationship?  Brace yourself girlfriend you’re in for some hard truths!  In fact it’s not that hard to meet men who are looking for a relationship, but what are you doing to make that happen?  Here are some tips to help you find a relationship that works for you.

  1. Put it in writing

Yes, it does sort of take the romance out of the whole thing but you need to define what it is you’re looking for.  Write down the traits you’re looking for, do you want someone to share adventures with or are you looking for stability.  This isn’t about what Mr Right looks like but about the qualities you want them to have, their values and what they want from life.

Now if you start dating someone and you’re unsure if the relationship might ever go anywhere, look at your list to see if they meet the criteria that you wanted.  Yes, it isn’t that romantic but are you looking for Mr Right or Mr Right Now.

  1. Be Realistic

Mr Right and Mr Perfect are two very different things and you need to learn that quickly or this whole dating thing is going to get ugly.  First of all NO ONE is perfect and the preconceived notions you may have of the perfect partner…you know that whole tall, dark, rich and handsome fairy tale, doesn’t exist.  Stop looking for perfection, it doesn’t exist.

You may just find someone instead who is perfect for you.  That brings up another painful point…perfect for you doesn’t mean that he feels the same way.  You need to be willing to accept that and move on.

  1. Be positive

Everyone and I mean EVERYONE has been hurt and had their heart broken, and it is horrible.  It may make you want to take a pass on this whole relationship thing but if you want a relationship you’re going to have to put the pint of Ben & Jerry’s away, pull up your big girl panties and get back out there and meet people.

Dating and getting out there to meet new people is intimidating, but a positive attitude certainly won’t hurt.  You may meet some nice people along the way.  If you keep the idea in your head that you’re never going to meet someone it will become a self fulfilling prophecy.

  1. Clean Up Your Act

Go to the nearest mirror and take a long critical look, are you the best you can be?  If your answer is anything less than an emphatic yes then it is time to do some work on you.  Before the yelling starts about how you shouldn’t have to change yourself just to attract a man…stop right there.  Dating is a hell of a lot like a job interview, more than anyone wants to admit.  Do you show up to an interview in pajamas?  Hell no!

Put in the effort, start getting some regular exercise, get your hair done and dress for success.  If you’re not exactly a fashionista, that’s okay you probably have a friend that is, get them to help you pick out some flattering dating clothes.  If you’re going out on a date or another social occasion present yourself in the best possible light.

  1. Get Out There and Meet People

You’re not going to meet people sitting in your living room…it doesn’t work that way.  The where and the how you meet new people is a matter of personal preference.  There are some places like bars, nightclubs etc. where people are far most interested in a hook up than they are a relationship so they are lousy places to meet a guy.  That being said, think about what your hobbies are and start from there.

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Don’t  be afraid  to try new things and you can always try online dating.  Be very careful.  There are a lot of nice people there who are just like you, they want to meet someone.  There is the creep factor however so always be safety conscious.  You have options so use them.

  1. The Dreaded First Date

First dates can be all kinds of awkward, but the good news is you don’t have to go on a second date. First dates have all kinds of expectations and pressures, make the whole thing a lot less awkward by just going for a coffee.  There’s no figuring out who’s paying and no expectation of having to make conversation for the next two hours while you awkwardly try not to look at each other.  The idea of the first date isn’t to screen someone as potential husband material but to see if you get along and actually like each other.

If you think your first date was bad check out this video of some really awkward first dates!

  1. Next!

If you’re lucky enough to meet the man of your dreams on the first date…good for you, you just won the dating lottery!  Be prepared to kiss a lot of frogs before your proverbial Prince Charming comes along.  Look some dates will work out but most won’t.  Before you give in to the urge to throw on a Bridget Jones movie and eat ice cream straight from the carton.  Accept that this will happen.  Once you meet the right person, the rest will just be stories you and your girlfriends laugh about at brunch.

Some Final Advice

Ladies, stop hunting in packs you’re trying to meet a man not take down a gazelle.  Men have all the same insecurities that you do, and culturally they’re still stuck doing the asking out.  So nice guys will be hesitant to approach you when you’re with a pack of your girlfriends, rejection sucks…rejection in front of a crowd can be soul crushing.  Find some activities that cater a little more to the individual.

Most of all have fun with it, dating can be fun and you can meet new people and make some good friends along the way.  Don’t take yourself too seriously, have patience and it will happen.

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